Monday, February 20, 2012

'Tis the Season for Politicians to Sell Their Souls

I'm making a HUGE assumption here.

Yes, I'm assuming politicians have souls to sell.
If they do, I cannot imagine they would net much, but power is everything to some.

So I thought we could have a little fun and play a game of "Which Politician Said It?"

I'm going to offer the quote and you can guess which inarticulate politician uttered it. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, both parties are represented.

Before we begin, let me just say how remarkably easy it is to find stupid politician quotes. These people are amazing. If they could produce solutions to our economic woes with the same ease as they produce moronic quotes, this nation would be flourishing!

Ok. Are you ready?

"If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for 30 days because they get infections."

I love this one! It's an oldie but a goody. Clearly it was uttered by a male politician and clearly he failed health education in high school. Any woman will tell you that those monthly infections can ruin a good time, but the reason I don't serve in the military is because I'm a sissy not because of my bloody infection! Thanks, Mr. Gingrich, for being so absolutely clueless.

"Today is a big day in America. Only 36,000 people lost their jobs today."

Only 36,000 and I bet not one single politician in the bunch. That's a shame. Mr. Harry Reid, you really have your finger on the pulse of this country.

"Don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the big banks, if you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself."

In all fairness, I would rather blame the philandering pizza guy. Mr. Cain, do you blame yourself for your fall from grace or all those "lying" women who told those "ridiculous" tales about your infidelity and sexual advances?

As long as we are busy blaming ourselves for our lack of wealth, let's take it one step further:

"Our nation needs to stop doing for people what they can and should do for themselves. Self-reliance means, if you will not work, neither should you eat."

Hmmm? Starvation for those who are unemployed? That's remarkably sympathetic of the politician. Guess we won't ever run into Ms. Bachmann volunteering at a local food pantry.

"We have a lot of kids who don't know what work means. They think work is a four letter word."

I'd like to point out that food is also a four-letter word. No work. No food. Simple! Perhaps Ms. Clinton should brush up on her elementary spelling skills.

"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed."

An unemployed politician? Scandalous! Well, if he's unemployed perhaps he should stop eating. Poor Mr. Romney! He's unemployed. How will he ever be able to pay his taxes?

"I've now been in 57 states - I think one left to go."

Oh, goodie! The USA is growing! If we could nominate places we want added to the US, I would like to nominate Bahamas, Belize and Bermuda. Pretty much any tropical location even if it doesn't start with a "B." I'm willing to consider selling Texas to Mexico if we need collateral. Mr. President, are you hoping to add a few more states? Was your last campaign trail so long that you actually thought additional states were added while you were busy campaigning?

"I love the smell of emissions."

And I just love politicians who support pollution. Pollution has really taken a bad rap over the past few years. I'm glad pollution has a supporter in Ms. Palin. Take a deep breath and smell the crap coming out of politicians' mouths. MmmmMmmm.

Now here is a another rather shocking quote:

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Are you kidding me? Mr. Vice President, unfreakingbelievable!

"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"

Marriage is under attack by terrorists? Who is attacking marriage?
Oh, wait.
Is this politician actually trying to say homosexuals are terrorists? Really?!
As defined by Webster's dictionary, terrorism is "the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion." Coercion? Hmmmm. Mr. Santorum, are you a terrorist?

All of these ridiculous quotes led me on a mission to find one reasonable one.
The following quote from President Abraham Lincoln rings so true its frightening:

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

Enjoy Presidents' Day before we destroy ourselves.

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