Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Best Mom in the Universe Award

Sit down, other moms in the universe.  I got this one. This award is all mine.  Mine, mine, mine.

Whoohoo!! My tween is happy with me! I rock!
(I'm doing that cheesy, happy dance that moms sometimes do when no one is looking.  On the plus side, I am not wearing my mom jeans so it looks classy a little less cheesy.)

Why is my tween happy with me and thinks I am the "best mom in the whole universe," you ask?

After years of pleading, begging, groveling, demanding, and more pleading, I finally gave my daughter her first cell phone.

Yes, it cost me an entire penny, but remember it is the thought that counts.

Mostly, it's my thought that counts and here is what I think:
My 9 year old did not need a phone even though she wanted one.  My 10 year old didn't need a phone even though classmates had phones.  My 11 year old didn't need a phone even though she insisted she was the only person on the planet who didn't have one.  But my 12 year old needs a phone because I need her to have a phone.

Pretty simple logic, right?  She is starting middle school and is already off and about an awful lot.  I want to be able to contact her if needed, and I want to know she can contact me.

This phone is perfect, too.  Just ask her.  She'll tell you it's fabulous because it is red and she can text her friends and family.  I'll tell you it's perfect because we didn't pay for the data plan so she cannot access the Internet and she cannot text photos.  Also, the phone made my tween the happiest I have seen her in two years.  We are both quite pleased with this red phone.

It took her all of 3 seconds to figure out all of the the phone features and lack of features.  In the course of a few hours she had texted one friend over 53 times.  I sure hope we invested in unlimited texting.

So today I get the Best Mom in the Universe Award.  I've been told it won't last long enough to collect dust, but wow...what a moment!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Adult Summer Camp

Adult Summer Camp

So lets get this straight...
For the last several months moms and dads have been working feverishly to find summer camps for our kids. We don't have the time and/or stamina to watch these wild creatures during the summer months.  The public school system is exhausted from trying to educate them and needs a break, too.  This means we need to figure out a way to keep our children out of trouble during the endless summer days.

Are we happy to just let our kids zone in front of their electronic devices all summer long?  No.  That's what they want to do so clearly we want to avoid that option.

Instead we search near and far, high and low for the perfect medley of summer camps.  We want them to experience everything within the realm of reason and a few things that aren't. After all, as children, we spent our summers riding bicycles with no helmets and eating dirt. We demand better for our kids!

We pay hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars on summer camps.  The summer camps advertise they will create a wonderful, earth shattering experience for our kids. Our kids will fish, climb rock walls, dance, sail, learn archery, identify every tree in existence, learn which berries they can eat and which will poison them instantly.  They'll swim, draw, make masterpieces out of clay, learn a foreign language, play an instrument, and quite possibly become even more knowledgeable about insects than they were two weeks ago.

Wow!  That's a bucket load of fun for a child who would prefer to sit at home and watch YouTube videos.

This got me thinking which is always scary.

Why don't we take those hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars and send ourselves off to Adult Summer Camp?  That's ASC for short.  As long as we leave some pizza in the refrigerator and chips in the pantry, I'm not sure our kids will even notice our absence.

In my imaginary world, ASC is geared towards parents and has the following arduous schedule:

Welcome to Adult Summer Camp (ASC).  Our mission is to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Our camp is a relaxed, comfortable environment where you will be able to pee in privacy and have uninterrupted adult conversations.  Although we are a pet-friendly camp, children are strictly prohibited. The following is an example of a daily schedule, but your pleasure is our #1 priority so the schedule can be tailored to fit your needs...

Daily Schedule

- Wake up whenever you feel like it
- Eat breakfast if you want, but you have no need to prepare a darn thing for any living creature
- Begin reading whatever trashy novel you want without guilt or judgement
- At no point will you hear any whining, complaining, or noises that need investigated

- Eat lunch with a bottle of wine. No judgement if the content of your glass is larger than that of your plate
- Take a nap which will not be interrupted by tattle-telling or complaints of boredom

- Eat a delicious dinner which will not be peppered with any noisy, crying, or disgruntled children
- Following the delicious, uninterrupted dinner, campers will have the option of sitting in a hammock, hot tub, poolside, or by a blackjack table
- Go to bed whenever your heart's desire vs. being forced to pass out after a long day of herding cats. summer camp.  Who's in?