The other night I went to a drag show Diva show a show involving men impersonating famous female singers. This was a fun event to raise money for a good cause. It just goes to show what I will do to get away from my kids on a Friday night in the name of philanthropy.
I have noooo idea how to be politically correct about this experience. This should surprise no one since I am PC impaired. I can be PI (politically incorrect) without even trying so imagine the damage I will do with this topic.
This was my first ... um ... show of this nature.
The show raised all sorts of torrid questions while forcing me to realize a few painful truths.
Truth #1: The boobies of female impersonators are perkier and firmer than my own.
Question: How do I know the female impersonators' ta-tas are firmer?
Answer: I touched a pair, of course! I did mention this was all in the name of charity, right? That money I shoved down Annie Lennox's brassiere went to a good cause. Honest, mom!
Truth #2: I am nearly clueless when it comes to knowing anything about country singers.
Question: Who is Lorrie Morgan?
Answer: I have no idea! BUT her female impersonator is HOT!
Truth #3: My friends are awesome fun, but they know nothing about human anatomy.
Truth#4: Female impersonators have a mesmerizingly smooth panty line.
Question: Where do female impersonators hide their ding-a-lings?
Answer: I'm still trying to figure this out. My friends think perhaps some parts of the junk are shoved up a body cavity while I'm of the opinion duct tape is involved.
Truth #5: My husband thinks I have a perverse brain.
Question: What would your husband say if the first thing you asked him upon waking was, "If you had to hide your private parts, could you shove them up into your body somehow?" Seriously, I double-dog dare you to go ask your hubby this question.
Answer (after a very long pause with a completely perplexed expression): "I suppose you might be able to if you were really small."
It's an illusion to believe I have fully digested the experience of this fun-raiser.
What is not an illusion is my friends are awesome. They are beautiful, funny, smart women who can organize a great event, support a great cause, and encourage me to write a silly blog all about it!
I have noooo idea how to be politically correct about this experience. This should surprise no one since I am PC impaired. I can be PI (politically incorrect) without even trying so imagine the damage I will do with this topic.
This was my first ... um ... show of this nature.
The show raised all sorts of torrid questions while forcing me to realize a few painful truths.
Truth #1: The boobies of female impersonators are perkier and firmer than my own.
Question: How do I know the female impersonators' ta-tas are firmer?
Answer: I touched a pair, of course! I did mention this was all in the name of charity, right? That money I shoved down Annie Lennox's brassiere went to a good cause. Honest, mom!
Truth #2: I am nearly clueless when it comes to knowing anything about country singers.
Question: Who is Lorrie Morgan?
Answer: I have no idea! BUT her female impersonator is HOT!
Truth #3: My friends are awesome fun, but they know nothing about human anatomy.
Truth#4: Female impersonators have a mesmerizingly smooth panty line.
Question: Where do female impersonators hide their ding-a-lings?
Answer: I'm still trying to figure this out. My friends think perhaps some parts of the junk are shoved up a body cavity while I'm of the opinion duct tape is involved.
Truth #5: My husband thinks I have a perverse brain.
Question: What would your husband say if the first thing you asked him upon waking was, "If you had to hide your private parts, could you shove them up into your body somehow?" Seriously, I double-dog dare you to go ask your hubby this question.
Answer (after a very long pause with a completely perplexed expression): "I suppose you might be able to if you were really small."
It's an illusion to believe I have fully digested the experience of this fun-raiser.
What is not an illusion is my friends are awesome. They are beautiful, funny, smart women who can organize a great event, support a great cause, and encourage me to write a silly blog all about it!
There used to be a show in Las Vegas called "Boylesque". I loved the show, but was really pissed off that even while the guys were stripping they looked better than me!!
ReplyDeleteIt certainly was an eye-opening experience!! I wish I looked that good!
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