Sunday, March 25, 2012

Vacation Momma


My family recently traveled South for the annual spring break migration.
I did not go with them, but my alter ego did. Yes, she is always the one who goes on family vacations because the real me is absolutely no fun.

Vacation Momma, however, is a blast!

Vacation Momma and crew stay at a kid-friendly resort that offers planned activities throughout the day. Vacation Momma signs up for nearly half the activities including 9 am aqua aerobics. That's right. Vacation Momma is a health nut who thinks exercise is actually good for the heart and soul.

Question: When was the last time I took an aqua aerobics class in my hometown?
Answer: 1996

Vacation Momma managed to take several classes in one week. That woman is something else.

After aqua aerobics she shepherds her children to a craft activity where they make seashell picture frames. Vacation Momma thinks this is such a clever idea.
She wants the kids to make them at home and give them to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and teachers for Christmas! She realizes she just needs a few frames, hot glue, and approximately 6500 shells. This leads her on a mission to find 6500 perfect shells.

I just want to go on vacation and vegetate on the beach.
No time to sit and relax for Vacation Momma! Vacation Momma drags herself up and down the beach looking for 6500 perfect shells. She is completely delusional about the fact that once she gets home, she will be replaced by ME. Once they return home, Vacation Momma will vanish and I will throw those shells away because they will smell like rotting sea creatures. Other than Martha Stewart, who makes seashell frames for Christmas? In March?

Don't judge her, but Vacation Momma likes her liquor. Never before breakfast, but usually before noon. After all, it's five o'clock somewhere (a daily expression she says half a dozen times between 11 a.m. and 5 p.m.)

Vacation Momma is all about having a good time.
The kids are still chewing their lunch and she is encouraging them to get back in the water. None of this namby pamby wait 30 minutes or you'll get a cramp and die stuff. No, Vacation Momma wants her kids busy, busy, busy so they will pass out early, early, early.

On this topic, Vacation Momma and I completely agree.

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