Saturday, January 28, 2012

A Message to College Girls

This is dedicated to a college intern who will remain nameless...

Once upon a time, I was you.

I was having the time of my life! My best friends were my roommates and I was surrounded by eligible bachelors. I set my own schedule and I could do as I pleased. This included ordering pizza at 2 in the morning and never suffering from heartburn or weight gain after eating half of it.

As I think about it, college was like living in a fantasy world. I even remember my father telling me, "These are the best years of your life," and I thought he was wrong!

College girls, these are some of the best years of your life.

Don't waste them worried about your waistline or your thighs. Ten years from now you'll see a picture of yourself from today and you will realize how beautiful you were.

If a young man buys you a drink or a meal, don't feel you owe him ANYTHING.
Chivalry is not dead so don't try to kill it.

Don't go out drinking without a good girlfriend by your side. Don't leave your girlfriend once either of you start drinking. Girl power is not to be underestimated.

Yes, Hairy Buffalo is an excellent drink. Don't drink it sitting down. Trust me on this. If you feel the need to sit down while drinking it, it's time to go home and go to bed (alone).

Beer goggles are invisible, but they most certainly do exist.

Say kind words about your fellow female counterparts. We can be our own worst enemies.

Don't cuss. Cussing makes you look like a @^€/#*! fool.

Bad boys are appealing to hang out with but they make appalling partners. Better to be alone than be with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are or who doesn't respect you.

Stop texting and put the cell phone down! In order to meet cute boys, you will need to actually look at them and talk with them.

A great place to pick up a cute boy is the grocery store. Seriously.

If you have the urge to get a tattoo, wait 24 hours. That cute dolphin on your butt cheek will eventually morph into a large sperm whale later in life.

Your mother is right. Keep your shoulders back and your chin up. A stooped woman is not what you aspire to be.

That statistics course you're taking is a necessary evil, and you will never use any of it in real life.
On the plus side, after graduation no one will ever ask about your GPA.

Don't let anyone make you think you can't accomplish what you want. You can and you will if you apply all the gifts and talents you have been given.

Don't forget to call home. Those people totally get you, even when you don't get yourself.

Of course, respect the advice of women older than you. One day you will be one of those women. That will happen sooner than you ever imagined possible.


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