Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Those Cookie-Pushing Girl Scouts!

They look so sweet dressed in their brown uniforms covered in badges. Doe-eyed with sugary sweet voices, they ask if you want to buy any Girl Scout cookies.

Do you want any Girl Scout cookies?    Ha!

There must be crack cocaine in those cookies and no reasonable, addicted adult can refuse the crispy goodness of a Thin Mint. The question isn't whether or not you want a box of Girl Scout cookies. The real question is how many cases of cookies can you order before you reveal your need for GSC Rehab (that's Girl Scout Cookie Rehabilitation for those of you who are clean).

You know you have a problem (and I'm just being hypothetical here) when you purchase the crack-cocaine cookies from various dealers...err...girl scouts in an effort to look less addicted. If you only buy 3 boxes from any one cookie-pusher, you look less addicted than if you buy...oh...I don't know...maybe three boxes from 9 different dealers...errrr...there I go again...girl scouts. You end up with 27 boxes of crack-cocaine cookies and nobody is the wiser.

Another sign that you may need intervention is when you bring home your 27 boxes, but you don't admit it to anyone. Sure you may share a couple boxes with your family because you are a generous person, but your addiction forces you to hide the remaining 25 boxes in various places like the freezer, laundry room, underwear drawer, and the linen closet. Again, this is purely conjecture on my part. Please don't ask to look in my underwear drawer.

I could pontificate on which cookies are the most addicting but let's just all agree that Thin Mints and Tagalongs have the highest crack concentration. I've researched this thoroughly.

However, the boxes cost a small fortune per serving. A box of Tagalongs really only contains one serving of cookies. Thin Mints may have 2-3 servings per box unless, of course, one is in the throws of PMS. Then we all know that one box isn't even a full serving of cookies.

My daughter is not a Girl Scout because the best dealers do not use themselves. I could not withstand the pressure of having to store and distribute cookies out of my home. I imagine most people would not be happy to have me deliver a half eaten box of cookies. You expect better from your dealer, right?

The irony is that we are less than 2 weeks into our New Year's resolutions to eat better, and we are being forced to anticipate how many cookies we will need to make it through the year. Those crack-cocaine cookies aren't delivered until March. They have to last until at least the holiday season when Christmas Cookies are plentiful.

How many boxes of crack-cocaine....errrr...cookies does one mother need? I figure 27 boxes could potentially last in my house from mid March through maybe the first week of April.

I suppose it goes without saying...If you know any cookie-pushing girl scouts, please send them my way!

1 comment:

  1. This is so true. I have a six year old Daisy scout and when cookie time came i was afraid to have them anywhere within my sight. I am so proud of our troop for being able to withstand the texas heat and sell their hearts out. The bad side however that most people don't realize is that our girls are doing so much work for only .50 per box. Yup that's right. it cost almost $4 a box and our hard working girls only get .50 for their troop. the rest goes to the council for advertising and other stuff. Whats worse is that whatever we can't sell by the deadline we have to buy with our girls hard earned money. our girls, although they have sold near 50 cases of cookies will be walking away with nothing because the council gave us too many to sell. think about that next time you buy a box.