Saturday, December 17, 2011

Calling All Tween Girls

Your mother is not as stupid as you think she is.

When you give her that look (and you know what look I'm talking about) you fail to appreciate that she knows EXACTLY what it means. Do you really think she was born yesterday? You see, she perfected that look ions ago. You weren't even a twinkle in her eye when she was giving that same look to her mother over much more serious matters like the cost of Jordash jeans (ohhh, to wear a horse emblem on your butt cheek!).

Despite what you think, she does not wake up every morning plotting the various ways to embarrass you in public. She actually has other things on her mind including (and I mean this lovingly) her own fears that YOU will embarrass her! Yes, I know, this is shocking information. But the truth is that you represent her in some strange, twisted way. You go off to school or a friends house and your behavior reflects on her. It's really not fair because frankly raising you to your tween years was actually much harder than she truly appreciated.

You were such a sweet charming little girl. She forgot you had the ability to roll your eyes around in their sockets as if it were an Olympic event. Your abiliy to flip or whip your hair is unparalleled, and you somehow manage to make "mom" sound like a 3 syllable word. Although it's impressive at times, she really just wants to know that you act more like her in public.

Try to do that and, in return, she'll try not to sing in front of your friends.

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