Thursday, May 24, 2012

Teacher Envy

This is the time of year when I get a bad case of Teacher Envy.
The symptoms range from mild discomfort to full-blown jealousy.

Teachers are wrapping up the last few days of school and looking forward to the excitement of summer vacation. Their excitement is obviously infectious. Both of my children have been coming home from school since April with announcements like, "Just 45 more days of school!"

This week the countdown has been torturous.
"Just 1 more day of school!" my son shouts as he runs wild through the house dropping his book-bag, shoes, socks, and random papers. He creates a path that is easy to track, and I find him in his room.

"Ever hear about something called summer school?" I ask.
He scowls at me because he does not find me funny.

Schools out, schools out, teacher let the fools out. The sing song expression dances through my brain and I refrain (miraculously) from blurting it out.

If I suffer so from Teacher Envy, why didn't I just study to be a teacher? After all, I come from a long line of teachers. My grandmother was a teacher and my mother is a retired first grade teacher.

The answer is quite simple.
I didn't become a teacher because I have no patience, and the filter on my mouth is broken.

Every time I help my children with homework, my patience is called into question.
Ten minutes into the homework battle, and someone is crying and threatening to leave. By "someone" I mean me. The child provides little comfort by saying critical things like, "That's not how my teacher does it!"


Teachers must also have a remarkably good mouth filter. OR they are just nice people.

While trying to teach my children anything (how to tie shoes, ride a bike, bake, set the table, etc.), I realize I cannot possibly say everything that pops into my brain. I need to NOT say what I am thinking. (Incidentally, this is also necessary for happy marriages, too, but that's a different blog post.)

For instance, the following are thoughts I've managed to suppress while attempting to teach my children:

"I could really use a drink. Let's stop while I polish off this bottle of wine."
"How would you like to do 5th grade twice?"
"Well, brains aren't everything."
"Really!? You are not the sharpest tool in this shed."
"Why am I saving for your college education?"
"I would rather poke both my eyes out with this dull pencil than homeschool you."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Those studies are right! Your frontal lobe really isn't fully developed."

Yes, I would make a lousy teacher.

I suppose this just fuels my bad case of Teacher Envy.
The only cure for Teacher Envy seems to be the start of a new school year and the thought of spending day after day with other people's children.

My Teacher Envy will end...Just 92 days to go!

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