Monday, May 21, 2012

Fleeting Thoughts of a Father to Be

I recently joined the Ohio Blogging Association which connects me with other bloggers from across Ohio.  The Ohio Blogging Association is hosting a "Blog Swap," and I decided to be part of it. For a complete listing of Ohio bloggers participating in today's Blog Swap check out Poise in Parma.

My Blog Swap partner is Kristian who writes Ohio Festivals and Adventures of a Trapped 300 Pound Man.  As a festival food junkie, I enjoy both blogs. I encourage you to check out both of those blogs.  My blog about Athens, Ohio will be posted on one of them today.  

On a related note, Kristian has been remarkably kind in showing me how this Blog Swap thing works as I am apparently blog-impaired.  Although a picture is included on this blog, I still have no earthly idea how he made that possible.  No clue.  None. 

Here is the blog Kristian wrote for the Blog Swap...Enjoy!

This October (maybe early November), my life is going to change forever.

Here’s the proof.

This is happening during my 39th year of age (I'll be 39 in December)...

...25 good years after my body began producing egg-fertilizing sperm (give or take a year).

So,  if had been with one egg-producing partner since then and been able to  fertilize at least one of these eggs each year, I would be a father of  25 children (+/- for multiples or unfortunate circumstances).
Here  is a cluster of names I may have chosen from, just to give you an idea  of the multitude of offspring I may have flocked around me this coming  Father's Day if I hadn't invested so much time in the single lifestyle,  traveling and condoms:

JoshuaNoahElijahMassimoJacobAlessandra  MariaGiadaClarissaEmiliaAmelieHopeGraceMaxBrandon  AlexanderOliviaMiaJacksonHarperLandonLucasClaraGabrielWyatt  JudePiperXavierCooperOrangejelloHazelArchie

In fact, if I did start way back when, I would easily be a grandfather by now.  In a few years, possibly even a great-grandfather.

Oh Jesus!

Some  of these thoughts keep coming in because, when monumental events are  knocking from the inside of my wife’s belly, it’s hard for me not to  think of...

1.)    ...what could have happened in my life (the past what-ifs)

2.)    ...what can happen years from now (the distant future)

For  instance, in my younger days (#1), I think of all the sperm banks I  could have gone to for extra arcade money, only to later find an army of  my offspring spread all across the United States and possibly the  world.  We could have set a date  to meet at some convention center in Omaha and then draw up a plan to  create the biggest (and only) meatball burrito franchise this world has  ever seen!

And, in the future (#2), I realize that I’ll be getting my AARP card shortly after this kid turns 11? Eleven! On the plus side, this means I may get up to $40 off my Disney World admission.  On  the bad side, I may not be physically capable to ride Splash Mountain.   What if my kid hates me because the only attraction I can bear in my  weakened condition is the Hall of Presidents?

Ugh, I don’t my kid to hate me for dragging him/her into the Hall of Presidents!

Of course, these are all fleeting worries and thoughts.

Good thing I have a loving supportive wife to share this worthwhile adventure.

And, if I asked her nicely, she may even want to split a meatball burrito!


  1. Orange Jello?! Did your mind wander or are you trying to see if we're paying attention? haha. If the baby holds out until Nov 6, we can be bday buddies.

    Congrats and Good Luck Kristian! You'll be a great dad! With all the traveling and festivals, think of all the fun childhood memories you'll create.

    A friend of mine had her first a few months before she turned 40, and had her 2nd two years later. Lots of people are having kids later so you probably won't be the oldest dad when you drop your kid off to college.

    1. Orange Jello - yeah...the latter :-)

  2. Congrats and good luck Kristian!!!

    I had mine young, it makes me happy to see older (not that you are old) couples having children and being so happy!

  3. You are a trip, Kris! And I didn't realize that you were going to be 39! Age will have no effect on you when you become a Dad. You're kinda like Dick Clark: eternally young.

    Mark Teleha

  4. Thanks for your encouragement and kind words, everyone!

    Mark - ah I hope so. Hopefully, the experience will even make me younger yet :-)

  5. I'm 51 and I have two nephews that are 10 and one niece, plus another nephew that is 8 - but my kids are now 19 and 21. My siblings aren't that much younger than me either, it's just a big spread of kids. So you are not alone - I already have my AARP card though.

  6. Many blessings on your new little one to be! I am the mom of five children ranging in age from 28-38 years old. Having children only makes you younger! And grandchildren are even more fabulous! Just stopping by from the OBA Swap to say hello.