Dear Digestive Tract,
I want to apologize for my behavior on Friday night.
In fairness to me, I had a really rough week. Monday was Monday (need I say more?); Tuesday I had a flat tire; Wednesday was my annual exam where a nice gynecologist shoved her fist up and into my hoo-ha; Thursday I started PMS-ing like it was my job; and by Friday I was pretty sure everyone was out to get me.
After all of that stress, I met friends after work and decided to eat as if I were representing an entire college fraternity.
Why I thought eating fried pickles, fried mushrooms, potatoes skins, french fries, and something called "nachos from hell" in one sitting was a good idea, I may never know. I can only say it was stress eating terribly, terribly out of control.
Incidentally, nachos from hell features not one, but two pork related toppings. Imagine a plate of nachos covered in melted cheese, onions, bacon, ham, and more cheese. Yeah, I ate that and then ordered fries. I'ma health nut coronary heart disease waiting to happen. Blessedly, the nachos did have a thin layer of tomatoes and lettuce on top so I'm counting that as a serving of vegetables.
I'd like to say I washed it down with water or some healthy beverage that wasn't full of empty calories, but who would I be kidding? You absolutely know with what I washed it down.
Again, I seemingly forgot you are not the digestive tract of my twenties. You are more sensitive, and youdeserve demand my respect. Although I would prefer you not wake me with severe gas pains at 2 o'clock on Saturday morning, I understand the difficulty I caused you earlier that evening.
I want to tell you I won't do it again. I want to say I will never eat like a pack of starving college men again. We both know I am weak. Just writing about nachos from hell makes me suddenly crave bacon and cheese.
You've been a good digestive tract for the past 39-ish years, and I hope our friendship can continue. I'm sorry I made you work so hard this past weekend. I'll try to eat more thoughtfullythis week today.
Yours Truly,
Emotional Eater
I want to apologize for my behavior on Friday night.
In fairness to me, I had a really rough week. Monday was Monday (need I say more?); Tuesday I had a flat tire; Wednesday was my annual exam where a nice gynecologist shoved her fist up and into my hoo-ha; Thursday I started PMS-ing like it was my job; and by Friday I was pretty sure everyone was out to get me.
After all of that stress, I met friends after work and decided to eat as if I were representing an entire college fraternity.
Why I thought eating fried pickles, fried mushrooms, potatoes skins, french fries, and something called "nachos from hell" in one sitting was a good idea, I may never know. I can only say it was stress eating terribly, terribly out of control.
Incidentally, nachos from hell features not one, but two pork related toppings. Imagine a plate of nachos covered in melted cheese, onions, bacon, ham, and more cheese. Yeah, I ate that and then ordered fries. I'm
I'd like to say I washed it down with water or some healthy beverage that wasn't full of empty calories, but who would I be kidding? You absolutely know with what I washed it down.
Again, I seemingly forgot you are not the digestive tract of my twenties. You are more sensitive, and you
I want to tell you I won't do it again. I want to say I will never eat like a pack of starving college men again. We both know I am weak. Just writing about nachos from hell makes me suddenly crave bacon and cheese.
You've been a good digestive tract for the past 39-ish years, and I hope our friendship can continue. I'm sorry I made you work so hard this past weekend. I'll try to eat more thoughtfully
Yours Truly,
Emotional Eater
Enough about the appetizers--what did you have for dinner?
ReplyDeleteI was all about the fried food. You fry it; I'll eat it!
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