Oh, let me count the ways!
There are actually a little over 16 million reasons why I would never make it as President of the United States of America.
For starters, there are at least 10 reasons why I could never make it successfully through a national debate.
10. I cannot go 90 minutes without peeing. I've tried. I just can't. I have yet to see a nominee ask nice Jim Lehrer if they can take a wee little break to go number 1.
9. I don't always think clearly on my feet. If lovely Jim Lehrer asked me what national issue is of the greatest concern, I am fairly certain I would blurt out, "Bacon shortage!" That's right. I wouldn't even be able to put it in a full sentence. I would answer it like a contestant on a game show.
8. I would definitely end up yelling at someone. Sweet Jim Lehrer clearly tells the candidates there are time limits, but no one seems to pay attention to that. I'm a rule follower. Stop talking and stay on topic!! I'm fairly certain I would yell this at my opponent during the debate.
7. Neither candidate in the history of national debates has ever reached under the podium and pulled out a Cosmopolitan. I would totally do that. Kind Jim Lehrer would tell me I have two minutes to talk about world peace and I would reach under the podium and pull out a Cosmo. I would then likely look into the camera, smile, and say "Cheers!" before guzzling it on live television.
6. Eye rolling is not an effective form of communication. I have a bad habit. When I hear stupid stuff, my eyes literally start rolling around in my sockets. I am seemingly helpless to stop this from occurringespecially after drinking cosmopolitans.
5. On a related note, the F-bomb is not presidential.
4. I do not have a single presidential-looking outfit to wear to a national debate. Clearly I don't own a red or a blue tie. I do have a solid red dress, but I always feel like an obscenely large little orphan Annie when I wear it. I would be too self conscious to wear it during a national debate. And I would need to buy new shoes.
3. I would giggle. Yep, also un-presidential. While my opponent pontificates about the economy, I would giggle while singing in my head, "I'm running for pres-i-dent! I'm running for pres-i-dent!"
2. My husband would be sitting in the front row not listening to me. I would find this greatly distracting and would likely call him out on it. "Hey, honey! Are you even LISTENING to me?"
1. The debates don't start until 9 PM Eastern time. This is awfully close to my bedtime. Unless I could wear mysexy flannel pajamas to the debate, I would obviously have to decline my nomination.
No, I could never be POTUS.
BUT I am absolutely ready to be a voter. Don't forget to register to vote!
There are actually a little over 16 million reasons why I would never make it as President of the United States of America.
For starters, there are at least 10 reasons why I could never make it successfully through a national debate.
10. I cannot go 90 minutes without peeing. I've tried. I just can't. I have yet to see a nominee ask nice Jim Lehrer if they can take a wee little break to go number 1.
9. I don't always think clearly on my feet. If lovely Jim Lehrer asked me what national issue is of the greatest concern, I am fairly certain I would blurt out, "Bacon shortage!" That's right. I wouldn't even be able to put it in a full sentence. I would answer it like a contestant on a game show.
8. I would definitely end up yelling at someone. Sweet Jim Lehrer clearly tells the candidates there are time limits, but no one seems to pay attention to that. I'm a rule follower. Stop talking and stay on topic!! I'm fairly certain I would yell this at my opponent during the debate.
7. Neither candidate in the history of national debates has ever reached under the podium and pulled out a Cosmopolitan. I would totally do that. Kind Jim Lehrer would tell me I have two minutes to talk about world peace and I would reach under the podium and pull out a Cosmo. I would then likely look into the camera, smile, and say "Cheers!" before guzzling it on live television.
6. Eye rolling is not an effective form of communication. I have a bad habit. When I hear stupid stuff, my eyes literally start rolling around in my sockets. I am seemingly helpless to stop this from occurring
5. On a related note, the F-bomb is not presidential.
4. I do not have a single presidential-looking outfit to wear to a national debate. Clearly I don't own a red or a blue tie. I do have a solid red dress, but I always feel like an obscenely large little orphan Annie when I wear it. I would be too self conscious to wear it during a national debate. And I would need to buy new shoes.
3. I would giggle. Yep, also un-presidential. While my opponent pontificates about the economy, I would giggle while singing in my head, "I'm running for pres-i-dent! I'm running for pres-i-dent!"
2. My husband would be sitting in the front row not listening to me. I would find this greatly distracting and would likely call him out on it. "Hey, honey! Are you even LISTENING to me?"
1. The debates don't start until 9 PM Eastern time. This is awfully close to my bedtime. Unless I could wear my
No, I could never be POTUS.
BUT I am absolutely ready to be a voter. Don't forget to register to vote!
I am right with you on #10 and #6. And when he said I could not take a potty break, I fear my eyes would roll so hard, I'd give msyelf a seizure. I would also have a very hard time not yelling out "WHAT??? That's just ridiculous. What is WRONG with you!" when my opponent said stupid things. And I too think so poorly on my feet. An hour later and I Have the best comebacks ever. But in the moment? I am a babbling fool.
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly certain yelling would be the demise of my campaign. This would probably lead to more yelling and, of course, eye rolling!
DeleteFunny! Yep, #2 would be hard to get around, but I am pretty sure I have heard the candidates do #3...
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it, candidates have trouble with #6, too!
DeleteFantastic! Wonderful to recognize your limitations and such a timely post. I will now be thinking of all these things during the next debate and snickering my way through ;) #1, 2 & 3 are awesome, but #10 and #7 would completely disqualify me too for sure.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete