Sunday, January 12, 2014

Speechless at the Golden Globes

Dear Speechless Golden Globe Awardees,

I watched the 2014 Golden Globe Awards, and I've got a pointer for you should you ever be nominated again.

Please prepare a speech.  Please.

You've been nominated for a Golden Globe Award, and some can only dream of that.
Going into the evening you didn't know if you would win or not.  Yes, I know you only had a 20% chance of coming home with that shiny little trophy.  You may not have needed that speech.  It is still better to be prepared than to stand up in front of all your peers and be broadcast across America saying, "Oh my gosh.  Oh my gosh.  I didn't prepare a speech, and I don't know what to say."

Yeah, we can tell you don't know what to say.

Let me see if I have this right:
You are nominated for a prestigious award based on your job performance.
You get all dolled up.
You smile and pose on the red carpet.
You take your seat with fellow movie stars and television icons.
Your heart may be racing.  Your palms may be sweaty.  You may not be expecting to win.  You may be nervous even though you are a movie star. Are you thinking, "Maybe I should have prepared a speech?"
Your name is announced as the winner, and 45 seconds later you go from looking like a glamorous movie star to a bumbling fool.

Really?  You didn't think a speech could prove useful?

Please go sit back down because your speechlessness is annoying.

Why is it annoying?

Well, for starters I am raising two children.  Like me, my children are a work in progress.  Although it pains me sometimes, my kiddos look up to famous people.  They are fascinated by fame and what it means to be famous.  While watching the Golden Globes with my kiddos, it becomes apparent that the dress you wear is more important than what comes out of your mouth.  And apparently being prepared is really underrated in Hollywood.

It's also annoying because you babble something about thanking your manager and it begs the question, why am I not a movie star manager?  I would certainly have advised you to prepare a short speech!  I think you may need a new manager.

Finally, you memorize lines for a living for crying out loud!  Can you not memorize a few sentences about who to thank for the award?  And please don't forget to thank your mother!


A Clearly Not Speechless Fan

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